Dinner table talking session. I just love how after dinner we always have this nonstop talking session. Just to catch things up. Last night dinner was a bit awkward though. We discussed about the name that each and everyone of us should be called if I have got kids one day. Notice that I mentioned kids with an S amboi kau over. And I don't even know why they're pointing at me, only me. The luck of being the eldest perhaps -_-
Then mum suddenly mentioned about how she feels sorry for us. Because we're not going to have our travelling trip this year. Which mean we're going to just celebrating raya here, in KL. Which mean we're not going to meet cousins uncle aunt and others and we're not going to attend any of family's reunion's event especially on mum's side.
I just love travelling too much. I just love the feeling of driving at the highway wearing shades, junkfood on the side, chewing in one by one (if bulan tak puasa) while singing along with the song's played on air. I just love how if we traveled on ramadhan's month we're going to pack foods for sahur, dropping by at any RnR nearby, make do of whatever we have along the trip. Since mum's and abah's side were two different places which was quite far from each other, ok not quite. It is far, took us about eight hours or so sometimes by car. Tak termasuk andai kata ragam satu satu kepala yang ingin terkucil ter ter ter semua ter di tengah jalan raya ewah kau harus bertahan sehingga tiba destinasi pilihan.
But I just don't feel like raya-ing this year. Its not because of mum is in unwell state of condition or what so, It's not because of I didn't get to travel again like we always did every year. It's not because of seeing people tweeting about packing up their stuff can't wait to go to their hometown holiday's mood all the way. It is just that I don't feel like it. It is just me.
This year's Ramadhan feels a bit odd. Might be because I am not one of the school's kid anymore so the environment is odd. Odd is not to see everyone holding quran and read it everywhere. Odd is not to have this anxiety on planning iktikaf together which almost every year is a must-do-list. Odd is not getting to gather each and every one up for iftar like always. Odd is not so much text of welcoming ramadhan came in.
The environment is different. The mood is different. Surrounding is different. Time is ticking and everything changed.
Nikmat tahun lepas satu bulan puasa tanpa tinggal walau sehari adalah dengan ini nikmat maha besar sebagai seorang gadis. Nikmat tahun lepas iktikaf hampir setiap minggu pintu rezeki luas ada saja yang datang mengundang aral tidak melintang. Nikmat tahun lepas lawatan ke pulusuk kampung bersama keluarga sewaktu beraya eh nikmat indah betul beraya kau sehingga lupa sekolah siap extend cuti tinggal kelas padahal tahun periksa menengah atas sekali nian. Sebenarnya adalah cuak juga diri ini namun kata bonda pahala menjenguk jadikan niat buat ditukar ganti agar dipermudah jawab soalan tiada hijab tutup melindungi terus okay patuh tanpa kata.
I get to feel different atmosphere at different mosque this year. Thanks to abah for that because he's the one whos being too excited in finding different masjid to try on lol. I learned more on doing the house chores all by myself, having to mop everywhere around the house, taking out garbage, dealing with clothes, having a war with the microwave, cooks cooks and more cooks. I learned to comfort myself to live in the now. I learned to encourage my own self on creating my very own environment. The one that I craved for. The one that I missed so much. And I finally found that I love baking! Yey me!
Too much things to be thankful of.
Too much nikmat that Allah had gave.
This is going to be a good start. This is my 'preparation' journey.
So whats there to be sorry for when theres so much more to be thankful of?