tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21250633674842376172024-03-21T13:03:56.001-04:00ROAD LESS TRAVELAzillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-83879665545560633022015-11-15T16:52:00.000-05:002015-11-15T16:52:14.925-05:00Sunday woesAlways, always looking forward for weekends just so you know hoping all the other stuff that you have been wanting to do during weekdays could all be settle up during weekends. All the clothes that have been piling up waiting to be folded, all the recipes that you have been wanting to try on, those places that you have been wanting to clean and neatly organize, jobs application that are waiting for you to fill in and submit, post that you have been wanting to get done in details, all those random stuff that you have been planning to do during weekends. <div>
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And here comes the weekends nothing apparently get done. Except for the clothes all washed and neatly folded. </div>
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I must have been messing around with myself telling myself that I deserve to-not-get-anything-done period. Even resisting to get out of the house, and those pillows and cleaned just-got-out-from-the-washing-machine's duvet and bed looks so comfy and attractive every single time. </div>
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Every. Freaking. Time. </div>
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Except for food. How could I say no to food? </div>
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Biggest threat. </div>
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Damn.</div>
Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-34118276916510353722015-11-13T20:58:00.000-05:002015-11-13T21:38:19.214-05:00CATS Bus' driver Was driving back from class just now and saw few people standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus (obviously). Including older lady/grandma with groceries shopping bags and stick on the other hand. Might be to help her walking better without having to crouch her back pain. I saw the older lady with a glance and silently hoping and praying that someone would be able to help her carrying all those bags. Having to experience the same thing before,<i> all of her fingers must be in pain</i>, I thought to myself.<br />
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I used to ride the bus everywhere I go before I purchased the current car that I have right now. I would walk from my place to the bus stop every morning while holding all of my super heavy durable hefty books; Calculus, Economics, History, Business I, Business II, Business III IV V <i>urgh</i> you named it! I did put few on my tote bag but not all of the books could fit in them, so I would depend on the power of my hand to carry the remaining. And yes, I bring tote bag everywhere to class. I did not use book bag anymore, it made me feel like I was in high school all over again-_- Anyway, to add to the spice of having to hold all of these super heavy duty books, I would then use my other hand trying to take selfies sending it to my loves ones. Something I never failed to do, no wonder I always got a weird looking face from one of the lady there <i>lol</i> sorry lady I really am busy.<br />
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My first experience of riding bus to class was not smooth at all. Well, not exactly to class, I was supposed to have my very first meeting with one of the advisor before the class started. The night before I thought,<i> "this is easy, I just need to look at the schedule online and I'm good to go". </i>Went online with my so called confidence, and trust me, I could not even understand anything that the schedule says. They were using all these weird 'inbound' 'outbound' term which makes me confused even more. So I thought I would just call the help center and ask them what time will the bus comes. But for a first time rider, when the lady that picked up the phone asked the name of the road and all, I would stayed silence for god knows how long trying to catch one of the board's sign with my eyes. Sigh, how would I remember every road's name on a first day?<br />
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Thus, I ended up missed my very first bus and my brain told me to walk straight from my place to college. I crossed the road, walked straight ahead, avoiding any eye contact with any of the cars' drivers, making sure that my heavy duty books were all with me. It really felt like as if I was walking besides a giant highway with all the cars zoom-ing by my sides. <i>Whatever, my appointment with my advisor far way important than my dignity of having to walk on the so-called-highway right now</i>, I thought.<br />
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For good two years I rode the bus almost everyday, for good two years I learned how to check on the bus schedule the night before, I learned that I need to wait at the bus stop at least ten minutes before the bus came (although I sometimes late and have to run like a mad person after), and I learned to smile and say thank you to whoever that drive the bus that I rode no matter how bad my day was. Back in Malaysia, I rarely used bus to take me to places. I would prefer taking LRT,walk, or took my mom's car without telling her ever since I could drive. But living here, if you did not have car to drive, <strike>or in my case, not able to buy one yet</strike>, people would prefer to take the bus. Whenever you go, you can see lots and lots of bus stop stands. Cab? Please, those yellow car with signs around them would only came if you called or if you are really really really have so many cash to spend just to get you to the destinations, but come on to go to class by cab? really? I would prefer to walk.<br />
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And if Malaysia has Rapid's bus, a city like Charlotte has Cats bus. CATS. <strike>Kucing.</strike><br />
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Between the two years, I have met and saw different type of people especially if I was early waiting for the bus to come. Once, while I was getting ready to swipe my card on the bus' <i>card swiper</i>, all I heard was "Assalamua'laikum" from the bus' driver. I was stunned for awhile, mumbling answering the <i>salam</i> and when I looked up, there was this guy, greeting me with a big smile on his face, and asked <i>"how was your day sister?"</i>, probably because he knows that I was shocked. Could not remember what I told him but I'm pretty sure I told him the same 'cliche' answer, 'good!' while smiling back. From that moment on, every time I ride the bus, I would expect to see the exact same bus driver. It happened to be that he is in-charge to drive the same route and the same bus every day. There was this time when I went for grocery shopping for my small apartment, I was carrying all of huge and heavy plastic bags that almost torn at the end because of the heaviness. I walked from the store to the bus stop and waited for the bus for good twenty minutes but to no avail. I thought I was the one that late, but when I was about to call the help center, I saw the exact same bus swaying from afar heading to my directions. 'CAT's bus driver!', I knew the exact same person was coming to my way and somehow I felt.....<br />
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Safe.<br />
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"How was your day sister?", exact same questions that he would asked after gave his <i>salam</i>. Knowing him for half a year and meeting the same person, I could already memorize all the questions that he would asked me, <i>"How was your day sister?", "Are you doing good today?", "It's really hot right?", "Were all your things have been taken care of?", "What's your phone number?"</i> OK, I add the last part up but you know what I meant.<br />
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Sometimes, just sometimes, he would tell his stories about how he moved to the States with just his high school certificate, how he tried endlessly to get himself just one decent job to support himself and his kids, how he was so happy and enjoyed driving the bus every single day and appreciate his current job. Every time I was in the bus I sometimes observed of how happy he greets people coming into his bus, and getting off from it. How good he made people felt at the end of the day. No matter whoever got into his bus, he would gladly smile. </div>
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Until this one day when I was coming back from work, stepped into his bus as usual and was about to swipe my card, he greeted me with a smile and asked the exact same question (you guys would already know about it by now). I was about to go and take my seat and he stopped me. He told me that today was going to be his last day driving this route, he got promoted and the department asked him to change the route. Just when I thought I would feel really, really safe taking the bus every day, and really really glad for someone to ask me about my day, he suddenly gave me that news and I... just did not know how to respond to it. I smiled, and told him I'm glad. </div>
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Living in a non-Muslim country, you would actually be surprised of many Muslim people that you can find around you. It is whether you choose to notice it, or not. Most of the time it is easier to detect Muslim women in general because of the appearance and clothes and what women choose to wear, but for men, you can barely tell, unless he walked pass by you and suddenly gave <i>salam. </i><br />
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Every time I passed by the bus stops now I would think of how passionate he is with his job. It might seems small, but without him, the bus would never be able to drive itself.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Photo that I managed to capture couple months back </i></td></tr>
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Before I got off from the bus that day, I looked back at him for one last time,<br />
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"May Allah protect you all the time sister", still with a big smile and sweat running down his face.<br />
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A guy full of <i>duas</i>'; he is. </div>
Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-85087272245041209762015-11-11T17:07:00.000-05:002015-11-11T17:53:44.483-05:00Here we go again I am one of those people who would stop doing something at some point just because I feel like I need some new fresh air and not constantly do the same thing over and over again. Or most of the time I think too hard on what to write, to talk, to watch and to be continue guys. No wonder my essay paper would always be done at the very last thirty minutes that I have after almost one or two weeks wonder around about what to write. But the fun part is I never failed to ace every paper which I tend to believe that I have magical hands and brain that would always work at the very last minute (must be though to be my brain). Is that all? Wait for this one; when I did something, I sometimes left it hanging and not doing it until the end after I completely throw my heart, sweat and blood on it. Pretty bad ha? I have noticed it guys, please don't ask me since when because the probability that I would answer your questions with shakes head and lift both shoulder up at the same time would probably high, so not a chance.<br />
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Until recently.<br />
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I think I have finally found my true call and get serious with writing again. I am currently in the office as I am writing this waiting for any student to come in and ask questions so I would be able to help wholeheartedly. OK I lied, I would rather have no students seeing me/came to the office, just so I would be able to lay back and do something else on the computer such as writing my first post after abandoning my blog again for god knows how many times (my supervisor would be so proud). And Yes, I already have a supervisor now, a pretty decent job to support <strike>half of </strike>my living expenses here in States. Isn't weird? I went through all of my previous/old blog post and found how innocent I am to wake up every day and look forward to live hundreds miles away from my family but oh wait still have one year to spend so busy entertaining everyone and that's like what? Three years ago? <strike>Damn</strike> times sure flies.<br />
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But I could still remember back then before I moved out from the house, I would always wanted to write everything on my blog and by everything I meant; starting from moving into the new place, having eye-contacted with so many people, that first job interview that I had, that first bus that I happened to take every single day just to go to class, that struggle of finding jobs to support myself <strike>or else would probably live on the streets by now</strike>, that awkward first meeting with my friends trying to remember everyone's names, those time when I decided I need to have a car and lending money here and there just to make it happened. Ah I have missed to write on so much things! Hopefully not anymore. I would want to be able to write every ups and downs that happened just so I can went back and read how dumb my self was the year before, or years after. And I would want to be able to jot down the journey just in case I got married sometimes this year hahahahaha bad joke. I know.<br />
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Anyhow, I made my vow from today and on wards to start writing again! *claps hysterically*<br />
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Told <b>Baitil</b> the other day just to see her reaction;<br />
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<i>"Babe I'm gonna start writing again"</i> with a big please-be-excited-for-me's smile on my face</div>
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<i>"Really? Good la I like reading your blog hehe" </i>Not so excited there but okay </div>
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<i>"You don't want to write? Let's do it together this would be fun!" </i>I exclaimed as if it was the best idea in the world.</div>
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<i>"Oh, babe I actually already have one" </i>*grinned* </div>
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Okay...after I told you wholeheartedly about mine. Fine. </div>
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Anyway, here's to writing again after a long time. </div>
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<i>Uhm...</i>What was the name of my second post again? </div>
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Here we go again. </div>
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Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-23304679142606583012015-01-02T00:17:00.000-05:002015-01-02T00:27:53.272-05:002nd January 2015It feels weird to start writing again after such a long haul of not even opened up the blog anymore. Has always been missing those days of reading everyone's story. I'm probably hoping that my close friends would start to write theirs again with me starting.<br />
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Or my hope is just probably too high.<br />
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One month of winter break seems to pass by real fast without me even realizing it. Two more weeks before class starts. I am excited to hop on new journey as I only have another two more semesters to finish up my associate degree. In the meantime, I keep on updating myself more about real estate investing. Skype-ed with my mom the other day, and map out my plan roughly for five years from now.<br />
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I can see things clearer and clearer Alhamdulillah. I may took different path from everyone else, but I am firm with what I'm doing and I know that this path is made for me. I did not start with any preparing course or foundation, I flew by myself without even knowing personally the person that I was going to meet later, I did not know anyone beside my mom's used-to-be professor on the first day that I took off, and now here I am, almost two years in state, living on my own, paid my own bills, cooked my own dish, cleaned my own small apartment, and had so many people around me that I could not thank enough.<br />
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My journey might seems weird and out of mind to some people, but everything will be paid off later on Insha Allah. I would love to write down every details of my story but I guess the best ones should be saved when the best time comes.<br />
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I did not flew miles away to only just get a degree, but I did it for my future and life story.<br />
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With Allah's will, moga dipermudahkan.Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comCharlotte, NC, USA35.22542873333704 -80.8016967773437535.12164023333704 -80.963058277343748 35.32921723333704 -80.640335277343752tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-49840173034540094252013-11-10T04:30:00.000-05:002015-11-11T17:22:57.282-05:00Four month In the midst of doing the assignments and I suddenly stop because of sudden realization of how dead my blog has been. Hello again to writing stuff and journey ahead.<br />
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Four month of my conclusion that I have not seen my loved ones, physically. Four month of the last hugged I got from mum at the airport. Four month from the last time I saw my so called soul mate wailing wholeheartedly. Four month of being away to what I called first home. Four month of a new journey to another side of world. I am blessed to be surrounded with so many amazing people. From the first day I got here, clueless and puzzled of what to be done; to who I am today adapting with the weather and getting better and better. Allah's plan is never a disappointment nor it is a failure.<br />
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Pesan bonda, belajar jauh bukan hanya untuk satu keping ijazah degree. Bukan untuk rakus ilmu rasa hebat masuk university. Aku selalu lupa fakta masa tu Allah pegang. Dia bagi pinjam je duapuluhempat jam, setahun dan sehari. Dan setiap satu inci benda yang Dia susun atur ada sebab musabab yang kadang kadang aku sendiri 'cross it out'. Like everything has its own divine time to be happened. It takes faith and courage to what he has planned.<br />
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Sebab tak semua orang ada rasa patuh dan sabar agung untuk masa tu tiba.<br />
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First semester is almost over. Theres just so much more have yet, to be discovered.<br />
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Can't wait. Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-68321159699194761212013-05-09T08:30:00.000-04:002015-11-11T17:23:40.874-05:00Night at the stadiumDelusional. Either I have forgotten that I still have a blog or the fun of writing and sharing things through and through were slowly fading, or even too much things to be told that I always ended up telling nothing. Sigh. Sigh all the way.<br />
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Country that I lived in now has been bombarded with the issue of democratic, politics, racism such and such. I have never been too eager in getting myself involved in political issue before. I do know and getting present with all the updates but not having the thoughts and feel to join in with all the campaign. But the recent news that I heard, read and saw had giving me the urge to just move and contributing something to the society and country. What wrong is wrong and we never have this 'right' to 'judge'. But as for me, the way I am looking at the situation now is what is there for you to get through with what you are standing for and the one that you are giving your support to. We might just be one of the trillions supporters behind the scene people, but each and every one of us counts. You never know what you are capable of.<br />
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And I am not againts those who are having different thoughts from me. Not personally.<br />
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And having to be participated in the rally was just another amazing experience I supposed. Getting inside the stadium and look around. I saw people getting excited never stop honking with the honk they have, I saw few boys with cant-describe-how-weird-the face-mask they put on. I saw family who brings along printed scarves, banners, and huge flags. I saw oldies who have been help by few boys to walk along the way and be seated I saw different races hugging each other smiling to the camera. I saw love and passion heated all over for the same purpose. Each and every corner of the stadium is being filled, including the big board that people even climb, stand and seated on it. I even saw humanity in each and every person. And at that point I just wonder of how it will be like if we were about to be gathered in Padang Mahsyar later waiting for our turn to be called.<br />
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Are we that ready? Am I?<br />
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I guess in the end its not about what colour of shirt are you wearing who rules the country which parliament.<br />
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Its about you.Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-46585939888952572012013-03-03T06:45:00.000-05:002015-11-11T17:24:07.639-05:00Sum up of february <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's<strike> first</strike> third March and it is the first post since my last January. February has been days to entertain people for most of the week I would say;</div>
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<li>Friend's of mum came to house and overnight, celebrating mum's special surprise birthday party together in the middle of the night</li>
<li>Went to UIA PJ entering the lobby and lift with balloons getting ready in sya's room with five of my boloks to surprise Sya</li>
<li>Having a fight & been scolded because of small car accident with this one chinese guy infront of UIA PJ's gate after celebrating birthday and have to give out fifty ringgit right away</li>
<li>Mak came with abah and kak ayu from kampung selat since Awie got himself into VI's school, helping out to get, buy and collect few stuff from Mydin. Also, having a nice lunch together with the whole family (this is the part where I allow myself to just be there and bear with the thought of that might be an awkwardness but oh well it turned out well that Jameel also came to join in, good food like usual from mum as expected, great sharing spaces and laughters yey)</li>
<li>Struggling with listening part for the upcoming test.</li>
<li>Mai came from vietnam with both of her parents who can't speak in english at all and whenever we're trying to have a conversation mai would be our one and only superb translator, so mum, I and sister of mine have decided to take them for a tour seeing things and stuff around where most likely they enjoyed it very much and I even got an unexpected kissed on my cheeks from her mother during the time we're about to say goodbye after one and a half day spending time together lol.</li>
<li>Still struggling with listening part. Plus an addition of writing part that I just figured out sometimes im just too slow in taking notes.</li>
<li>Dealing with life and its up and down</li>
<li>Faith</li>
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Its pretty bizarring sometimes how HE taught us each and every lesson in our life. How I went to accompany mak and family buying stuff that they need that I am very much consider of where and price, and how the next day I went to accompany Mai and family that I am also very much consider of places to go. Different lifestyle, different way of talking, another way of topic to be discussed, different world. Blessed. So much fun of entertaining people that no matter how tired and exhausted you are you just know that it's all worth it for every second & time that you spent. Pleased. </div>
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A friend's of mine has just lost his mum this morning. Went for a visit, shared and talked. </div>
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Two more weeks for a test. Four more month to look forward to. </div>
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Keep calm. </div>
Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-29213660169800593622013-01-07T02:00:00.000-05:002015-11-11T10:32:45.409-05:00Enduring of what I called chest painI have always wanted to write down how my journey started in receiving my very first school's education system up until now. And how I have been trained and taught that the current system that we have nowadays does not even suited our generation anymore. And how I know the second people heard that they will go 'how come that even make any sense we're talking about an education system overhere hello' some sort of replied. And that how I have been grew up all these while by being teach of not to follow what I called 'people's common everyone-use-the-same-path footsteps'. Like how parents send their kids to school everyday hoping that their kids to excel in every freaking subjects that we have in our education, which leads to how these kids' mind being trained to not make their parents dissapointed because of what they got for their results in school, and what they have been done with their studies all this while. How teachers in class would go extremely mad if students didn't completed their homeworks given or making certain mistakes that probably shouldn't have been done or using physical touch to let them know thats your punishment for today and probably onwards too. Also leads to the part where students are afraid of making mistakes (probably in life too), not getting the results that they wanted to get in order to not dissapointed their parents, and even punishing their own selves thinking how stupid they are for not getting what they aimed for. Comparing selves with people as how system's compare by arranging the class based on what they got for their exams. For what some students who already got numerous of excel's result but just feeling of not enough for their effort and hoping to make it better for the next round which brings to more studying your ass off moment.<br />
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And one answer that has always been repeating eversince from the eldery in terms of why this and that is because thats how 'we' have been taught, trained and went through. Makan garam. By all means I am not saying that it is completely wrong and non efficient, its just that how up until now we doesnt even realized that we have been repeating the same pattern and how we can't simply just take our own way because the society might think we're weird and nonstop hows that possible question pop out. </div>
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Stepping into the unknown, that is.</div>
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Despite all those ranting of how long should I be waking up everyday thinking of what to do every morning, fighting to the limit with procastination of not to delay anymore of time to opened up book and study, keep reminding self that I got an exam's coming up so I should be getting ready, I am currently still enjoying my very best moment being home. Abah once said that once I have start studying later I will be missing this very best moment of life of just to be home so nurul, cherish it. </div>
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I wish I know the right way to just cherish things. </div>
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Blessed. </div>
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Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-16607215117526304972013-01-02T18:00:00.000-05:002015-11-11T10:38:07.831-05:00Sampan kolek<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I never heard of sampan kolek before. Not until abah mentioned it up after we rode it on our Vietnam's trip the other day. It was all mum sort of one and half month earlier planned to go and buy clothes for raya eves. I know don't mention its too early. Her point of defense is that no need to worry about the whole upcoming theme anymore that all of us can concentrate more on Ramadhan's month. Lol mum. </div>
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But the trip turned out amazingly fun and exciting. I was all excited since the first day I got there, seeing those old vintage made from the buildings, transportation, culture and even fashion. They're like way left behind from what we got here. And those heavy traffics night and day that they need to get through everyday. I really mean heavy when it comes to traffic, because you can barely found cars on the road except cabs. Those who got to use cars on the road were like those fortunate wealthy people you fortunate creature. Because everyone else, used motorcycles if its not walking. Every single day. </div>
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It was like going back to 70s 80s all over again. </div>
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Tho I was not even born yet at that time ok its mum's word.</div>
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And we got this 83 yeard old tour guide that show us around on our first and third day there since we got more time to spend. I just can't describe how amazing he is with his work. Not because he shared about those historical places explaining one by one, but the value he have and shared throughout the trip. He shared of how he survived living during those war times and how he remind us to not compare him with the other tour guide that might lead us later since different guidance lead at different places. How he shared about him being in a miliatiary team decades ago even showed me the way of how to do the free-fall jump like what he used to be trained. I told him one day I'd love to try one. He remind me so much of my grandpa. It was like my own grandfather working as a tourist guide healthily energetically showing us around with those stay still super great memory. Amazing isn't? </div>
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And then we have Mai, this petite vietnamese lady who helped us a lot since the first day we got there. It's the first time ever we are in vietnam so its quite tough to find the exact place to go plus communication barrier seems too fun too handle. People just tend automatically using body gestures when it comes to not talking with words haha how come I find its funny. </div>
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She even invited us for dinner on the second night and to our surprise she really got lots of common things with mum like how she can't go well with cats and dogs which is perfectly similar with mum. All hail mummy found vietnamese's soulmate already. She told us she'll come to Malaysia on this february and we are all overly excited saying that lets us show you around malaysia got lots to offer. </div>
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You know when you went somewhere quite far from home and language is the last thing that you can handle, one thing that always makes you feel better is when you found someone that you can rely on. Someone that makes you feel safe no matter wherever you go you just knew that someone is reliable. So thankyou Mai for your passion and effort giving the best that you could, helping out to bargain at those wholesale market where most of the people there doesn't even speak english. And did I mention that she has three kids? Shes so petite that I cant even imagined that. Not until she showed their pictures on her phone.</div>
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To be honest Im not really sure of what to write and what to share about. I am kind of in the lost of words and there just too much doubts in me lately in sharing post. People make blog to write something in it that you just don't need to update your status per day like one entry per post. Comes twitter that people's choose to have an account and express something through it. Its not our job to judge whatever things that people write, wrote, sketch say or do. Its not our job to determine if that one thing is bad for people that you can just knock someone's down. I firmly believe that everyone has their own choice and their own freaking point of view. It just that sometimes that we keep saying not to judge anyone that we are actually did the exact same thing. Subconciously.<br />
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Anyway, I just let pictures tells the whole story and let myself drown with words. Talking about pictures, I really envy and admire those people who got great shot no matter what shoot they took. I wonder if these people still feels like they haven't put in any effort in their masterpiece. Because the last time I checked, they still give their photos edited here and there but the thing is, the original one is just as good as the edited version. Envy.<br />
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May this new year brings more joy and happiness. A blessful one.<br />
Cheers to another new chapter of life.<br />
Happy new year everyone.</div>
Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-962566649788222492012-12-23T06:00:00.000-05:002015-11-11T10:32:57.908-05:00Barely found the title to put on I barely found the title to put on so I just skipped that part. Been wondering through older post of mine and others back then those time when most people that I know used to blog around commenting on each other post. Somehow things that I caught is most of us tend to use same word same phrase which comes with the same meaning everytime we're about to say something about the post lol good old time when everyone was pretty naive, I could say. Unlike now.<br />
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It was just so good to recall back those moments and naive time. Looking back made us realize of how much time has flies and how much we actually wished for the time machine to really exist that we could have go backward and went through it all over again. I just got my ass back from Langkawi the other day that I choose to go and help fifth former's sort of last school's program. Having the chance to work with new faces that I haven't got the chance to work with before throughout my school's years, having to help teachers sorting things out again like the old days, having to go back to Langkawi which remind me so much of those great time I had with those people I loved last time for one of the school's program, It has been a great quite challenging journey I must say. Its amazing how I still remember the place where we used to eat those icy superb tasty cendol together during our stay and I actually did went there the other day but frustratedly its closed, nice. </div>
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I took quite a long time to think before making a decision that I choose to actually go for fulled four days and help out. Since before that I have been quite pack with other programs and to fit in maintaining to go for the meeting giving commiments was quite a challenge to be sorted out. And that time when I asked my mum of her opinion if I should or should not going looking at how packed my schedule are before that, and she said whats your intention what is it for you to get. So the next morning that I decided to join and sorting things out again that I know eventually my intention is to help out giving back the best that I could before, before.. before I didn't get the chance to do so. And so I did it. Packed up stuff that night and go tho it was all a bit fussy.</div>
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See, working with people taught me a lot of things. All this while that I have been helping out with handling program, all this while that I have seen meet and greet different kind of races and people. As far as what have I been going through. I learnt that people have their own space. Space of stand, space of belief, space of thinking. Most of all, space of allowing others to be in their space. I learned to respect other people space, I learned how I have to not make satu satu benda tu right for me and right for others too. I learned how I can't just going into people's space and oppose them. I learned that I need to do more of listening and read between the lines. I learned that I need to actually allowing the space. Not to agree that they are right and not saying that they are wrong too. Its just that, people with their space, they live with it. they live through it, and they live in it. To just grab them telling someone that im not satiesfied with you explaining what you think its right for you, freakin huge messed up that you have brought yourself into. See the word, its for you. You. </div>
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Other people faults most likely big huge wide and obvious but we tend to forget of making it as a reflect. Oh well, Im grateful that I actually could lend some small part of me contributing back giving the best I could. </div>
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Long journey to go and Im not even halfway yet. </div>
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Selamat malam. </div>
Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-54744788815524967662012-11-12T21:45:00.000-05:002015-11-11T10:33:05.416-05:00Soothing blue sky is always soothing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Back then when I was kid, we (one family) used to travel a lot. When I said travelling, it doesn't necessarily means outside the nation or the country, it doesn't necessarily means going by car or any types of vehicles to somewhere really far. Going somewhere to other places apart from home is what I called travelling. Discovering new things, getting to meet and see new people most likely strangers, no matter where in the world it is even it is just two miles away from home. As long as<strike> you </strike> I got that 'feeling' of travelling, thats what matter most. I don't know I always have this one feeling of I just know that I am in the travelling mood somekind of things.</div>
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As times goes by, we tend to have less and less travelling's family time (sort of). Especially like in this year because of mum's state of health we weren't be able to like went back to our hometown during Raya and such. And by including whole siblings of mine are in their school's holidays period so the time that we spent most likely whole day at home playing psp sitting infront of the laptop for the whole day, watching movies, nonstop changing tv channels and etc seems just like most longest unproductive day ever that we have spent in out entire lives. </div>
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And that one day when younger sister of mine keep mentioning of how we should stopping by somewhere since were going to Johor for relative's wedding and mum have been so much better to go somewhere far that requires long journey. I just shoot up and automatically said No. She stared at me blankly might wanting to ask why but she didn't and remained silent. So I told her that we're not in a state of good financial to just go somewhere chillin' ourselves since its still is requires money to just even filled up the car's fuel tank. And also abah seems to struggle more with his work nowadays that I made myself clear of my points. Its not that Im saying to her that we will never be able to travel again like we always did, but I'm saying that its just not today nor tomorrow. Not in the meantime. And that I also told her not to differentiate with anyone close to her, because I thought she might think and see how her friends having a family vacation together and all those good story time goes on.</div>
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She kept mentioning it few times after that, questioning about the same thing. Brought up the same idea. Until I find it hard to still keep to my defense, nonetheless I still said no. And she always end up crying everytime we have to argue about this matter that I just don't get it why is it so hard for her to understand the situation as of now. Or maybe I am the one who failed to get what she really meant. That evening when I was lying on the couch stared blankly at the fan, mum came up to me and just smiled. I didnt know what was the smile for and I just immediately said that sometimes I just didn't know where and how to highlight the situation that we were facing. Mum went slowly by saying that she got that, she got what am I trying to do. But being in the situation doesn't need me to come from upset and anger when I'm holding to my defense. I said how come, she can't freaking get it. Mum said thats why, she can't freaking get it that I came from the space that I want her to just get what I got and changing her stand and mind as of now, she has been through her own experienced of family time and now she missed that and sometimes people just want you to listen to them, hear what shes actually trying to convey. And be in the situation doesn't need you to act upon it no matter whats the reason, you always have a choice to choose of how to act and behave. </div>
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The same evening mum asked me to go and buy 'roti banyak sayur kesayangan nenek' of mine (read: subway). Thats just the way my nenek always called it since she barely forgot to pronounce subway. She once used to ask our babu in our house area wherther he sells roti banyak sayur or not, poor babu that he must have went home and search for it since after that hes being invisible for like three days or so. Anyway that evening I am being too lazy ass to just go out just by looking at the weather, so I asked another younger sister of mine to teman me. And on our way home after passing by the ticket's parking machine, I accidently hit this one big and shallow hole when I am about to take the left turn. I am not really sure whether it is a hole but it looks like some kind of tembok besar dan rendah yang bila kereta lalu kau tak mampu agak terdapat tembok di situ eh sedar sedar dah tersekat simpul mati. Mati akal. </div>
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It was quite funny at first because half an hour after that another car got stucked at the same spot but oh hey looks theres just so many people came to help while theres no one stop by at ours. Did I mentioned that our car's tyre got leaked and flat and we were stucked at the side of the road having no credits in our phone hanya mengharapkan whatsapp itupun line celcom bolok nyawa nyawa ikan keli with raining cat and dogs outside and oh another great news! Car's fuel tank was left about 7km more, what a death note. </div>
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I took the umbrella and got out of the car went back of the car to look for extra tyre and there it is. We were like clapping happily founding the extra tyre until we realized one thing, now how to change this. I kept looking for the guided booklet or something seriously theres none found and my sister went like 'haven't you learned how to change tyre at your driving school?' </div>
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I just love trying out new things on my own that I even thinking of getting the tyre out by myself. Then after whatsapp-ed my brother, mum called and I asked her if she know how to change tyre. I can do it, just gimme the instructions. She said it might be quite hard and asked me to wait for my brother that I went I don't think that would help. He didn't know how to change tyre does he? </div>
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Anyway to cut the story short, after almost two hours of waiting. Calling coming in and out by mum and dad, waiting more and more for brother to came. Having to endure this craving to not eat nenek's subway it was just too hard its raining heavily outside theres no way to go and stomache just got to do its grumbling sound at the exact time. Here comes one van stopping by behind us and this one kind hearted uncle came and asked of what happened. And I said we just need to change the tyre. He went straight to the back of the car and get the spare tyre out, he's also getting help from his son. Im guessing his son was just around eleventh or twelve years old. I gave his son some money that I just passed by to his hand when he got back into his van, his quite shocked at first but I said thats okay thankyou for helping out and he just smiled. I am about to give that to the uncle but I am afraid that he might refuse to take it. All in all, money isn't worth anything compared to what they did. </div>
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After all those chaotic but glad to have one moment, mum called again and asked us to pack up our stuff since we're going to Johor on the next day and we have to make move that night. Instead of standing up again and argue, I packed up my stuff and do what im supposed to do. I guess its not that bad to just be in the moment and cherish it no matter whats the circumstances youre having. </div>
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Went back scroll up facebook and found this, thats my mum. </div>
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We stayed in Melaka before going to Johor the next day and I forced myself to wake up early in the morning after performing my subuh prayer that day. Went out and found out how soothing the blue sky is. Soothing blue sky is always soothing.</div>
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"And if you count the blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them"</div>
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[Ibrahim; 34]</div>
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I saw KK been busy with her Deepavali's celebration preparation on facebook. </div>
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Happy Deepavali babe. </div>
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I need to practice how to change tyre.</div>
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</a>Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-41560867571714030272012-11-04T04:00:00.000-05:002015-11-11T10:41:19.772-05:00GiftAs a muslim, new day begins when maghrib prayer's being called. And a day ended when 'asr prayer's being called. Being a human sometimes make us forgot of what is and what so in this just-stop-by-for-awhile world. Being a human sometimes make us took our obligation too lightly. We tend to have this feeling of not enough of what we have or even had. Seeing someone who can afford something that we can't. Seeing someone who can strikes every single thing without having to put lots of effort. Seeing people have got great oppurtunity in their life that sometimes we ponder, how come we didn't get that?<br />
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Honestly, not even single human being can predict whats so and whats ahead. Whats coming and what to expect living here as a human being. Unless you're one capable fortune teller of the future which I assumed you just won't live long for false hope. For that sometimes I'm scared and having a fear to just walk straight and look forward of what is there waiting for me ahead. What is there that I have to get through, where am I heading, what is there for you to get at the end of the journey.</div>
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Looking back through times I would say, I just had this most amazing life journal that I could ever asked for. I don't have any single regrets for not going to any boarding school not having to know what is it feels like staying away from your family for a long period throughout my being-a-school's-students-life. I don't have any single regrets to have being what I used to be back then. I don't have any single regrets to have meet each and every person that I have known, meet and greet. </div>
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And I dont have any single regrets to have choose what am I choosing now. Should not.</div>
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Having the most amazing crazy bunch of friends that I could never trade for anything else. Having the most stubborn cheeky five siblings that will just be incomplete if one of us were missing. Having to had lovable teachers yang sudi mengajar diri ini dari kecik kecik terasa nak dilempang sehingga besar panjang. And most of all, having this two vital soul of mine for bringing me up to this world, mummy & abah. Thankyou is just not enough for words of how much I thank Allah for having these people. </div>
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"Now its about time, what is your gift to the world?"</div>
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Its 8.25 pm here in Malaysia</div>
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Happy 18th Birthday Dear Self. </div>
Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-83420169411767602302012-10-18T06:44:00.000-04:002015-11-11T10:33:17.952-05:00Problem VS Breakdown<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Its been awhile since I last being a cold-hearted I-didn't-even-care-a-thing-creature.<br />
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I learnt about problem and breakdown past two days.<br />
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<i>"You have a problem you try to fix it, the more it comes making it a cycle. You're having a breakdown you deny it, endure it without even noticing it" </i>What is problem to you? And what is breakdown makes you? In a situation where you're stuck in a traffic jam for hours and ages, in a situation where being lazy for the whole day not realizing time passing by end up beating yourself up at the end of the day, in a situation where exam's mood screws you and all the good times you're supposed to be having, Did you called it as a problem? Or you're supposed to say like 'oh I'm having a breakdown' kind of way.<br />
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<i>"It is okay to have a breakdown as long as you declared and do whatever it takes to get back to your commitment" </i><br />
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I guess I am having a breakdown. A serious one. Right.<br />
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I talked to my besties the other day. The moment she keeps on mentioning about a certain date, I told her that she needs to come back here before the exact date. She didn't get me at first (eventhough she already had this doubt what-is-that-supposed-to-mean in her mind lol I just knew) until suddenly it hits her. About that certain date. I said, can I like make a wish? I can't see the future, I didn't know whats coming, I can't predict whats ahead. Making a wish earlier is like hoping and praying for it to be happened, with Allah's will.<br />
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I wish at that moment, on the exact date, I'll be surrounded by those people here in my list each and every one of them without missing any getting hyper nonstop chatting having a good time together like theres nothing to worry about.<br />
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That ain't gonna be a problem, anything is possible. They said.<br />
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Here's a problem, what if I want it to be, forever? As in forever after?<br />
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Oh well, seems like a breakdown. To me.Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-71030426457666670192012-09-12T06:33:00.000-04:002015-11-11T10:33:27.782-05:00Cari<br />
Mr. K: You really got a shadow of your mother I can see that you know<br />
Me : Really? Lol I've heard that a lot like everytime we walk around together people might think us more like sisters *laugh*<br />
Mr. K : Haha thats cute. You know what nurul, one day, one fine day you'll discover more of yourself. Its okay to just be in the shadow for now. I know you'll find 'you' ahead. In a meantime, just.. stay there.<br />
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Dan kerana fitrah manusia itu sifatnya mencari.<br />
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Cari Tuhan<br />
Cari Identiti<br />
Cari Diri<br />
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Moga Allah Redha<br />
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Thankyou Mr. KAzillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-14598266842480596602012-09-05T12:07:00.000-04:002015-11-11T10:33:37.327-05:00I am not mad I must say this year's raya was emotionally attached. Having to see few of my friends made their farewell's event at their house. Having to meet and greet each and every one of them asking and giving few words of wisdom (kind of) Having to gather almost everyone up again for the <i>konvoi</i>. I don't know, its overwhelmed.<br />
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Since I was kid, I always have this fulled of respect feelings towards those who're called as 'scholars'. Society taught me that scholars are the one who represent Malaysians to be known of. Society taught me that those who're called as scholars were the one who has been choosen, the one who were so lucky and at the same time those who got great and excellent heaven of A's in their papers for the grades. Because society taught me that being one of the scholars is not easy, you need to fight for your place. You need to look good in every aspects. Thats the way.<br />
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As I grew up, I realized that I lived in a world where people around me were grabbing the chance to be called one of the scholars. Its like theres no other way for you to go and fly high unless you were born from a very wealthy family that's capable to afford you and willing to. Its like theres so many places to choose and go to so why need somewhere far from your loved ones. Its like you didn't have any other choice except to just accept whatever being brought up in front of you.<br />
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These past few days I have been quite sensitive when people keep mentioning something like 'how lucky for you to have such wealthy family that can afford you' kind of stuff. How would you know that should be called something 'lucky'? How would you know that being wealthy is the only way and suite for the word, afford? How come you didn't count and consider yourself being lucky? How come you missed that? How come?<br />
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I am not mad. I just hope people can see what I see.<br />
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<i>"Duit tu sikit ke banyak is always enough, sebab rezeki tu datangnya dari Allah"</i><br />
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#Someone is turning officially eighteen today & I'm closing the day yey! Happy birthday anak raja Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-61202544336327985452012-08-14T17:00:00.000-04:002015-11-11T10:33:23.022-05:00Seeing things differentlyDinner table talking session. I just love how after dinner we always have this nonstop talking session. Just to catch things up. Last night dinner was a bit awkward though. We discussed about the name that each and everyone of us should be called if I have got kids one day. Notice that I mentioned kids with an S amboi kau over. And I don't even know why they're pointing at me, only me. The luck of being the eldest perhaps -_-<br />
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Then mum suddenly mentioned about how she feels sorry for us. Because we're not going to have our travelling trip this year. Which mean we're going to just celebrating raya here, in KL. Which mean we're not going to meet cousins uncle aunt and others and we're not going to attend any of family's reunion's event especially on mum's side.<br />
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I just love travelling too much. I just love the feeling of driving at the highway wearing shades, junkfood on the side, chewing in one by one (if bulan tak puasa) while singing along with the song's played on air. I just love how if we traveled on ramadhan's month we're going to pack foods for sahur, dropping by at any RnR nearby, make do of whatever we have along the trip. Since mum's and abah's side were two different places which was quite far from each other, ok not quite. It is far, took us about eight hours or so sometimes by car. Tak termasuk andai kata ragam satu satu kepala yang ingin terkucil ter ter ter semua ter di tengah jalan raya ewah kau harus bertahan sehingga tiba destinasi pilihan.<br />
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But I just don't feel like raya-ing this year. Its not because of mum is in unwell state of condition or what so, It's not because of I didn't get to travel again like we always did every year. It's not because of seeing people tweeting about packing up their stuff can't wait to go to their hometown holiday's mood all the way. It is just that I don't feel like it. It is just me.<br />
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This year's Ramadhan feels a bit odd. Might be because I am not one of the school's kid anymore so the environment is odd. Odd is not to see everyone holding quran and read it everywhere. Odd is not to have this anxiety on planning iktikaf together which almost every year is a must-do-list. Odd is not getting to gather each and every one up for iftar like always. Odd is not so much text of welcoming ramadhan came in.<br />
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The environment is different. The mood is different. Surrounding is different. Time is ticking and everything changed.<br />
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Nikmat tahun lepas satu bulan puasa tanpa tinggal walau sehari adalah dengan ini nikmat maha besar sebagai seorang gadis. Nikmat tahun lepas iktikaf hampir setiap minggu pintu rezeki luas ada saja yang datang mengundang aral tidak melintang. Nikmat tahun lepas lawatan ke pulusuk kampung bersama keluarga sewaktu beraya eh nikmat indah betul beraya kau sehingga lupa sekolah siap extend cuti tinggal kelas padahal tahun periksa menengah atas sekali nian. Sebenarnya adalah cuak juga diri ini namun kata bonda pahala menjenguk jadikan niat buat ditukar ganti agar dipermudah jawab soalan tiada hijab tutup melindungi terus okay patuh tanpa kata.<br />
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I get to feel different atmosphere at different mosque this year. Thanks to abah for that because he's the one whos being too excited in finding different masjid to try on lol. I learned more on doing the house chores all by myself, having to mop everywhere around the house, taking out garbage, dealing with clothes, having a war with the microwave, cooks cooks and more cooks. I learned to comfort myself to live in the now. I learned to encourage my own self on creating my very own environment. The one that I craved for. The one that I missed so much. And I finally found that I love baking! Yey me!<br />
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Too much things to be thankful of.<br />
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Too much nikmat that Allah had gave.<br />
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This is going to be a good start. This is my 'preparation' journey.<br />
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So whats there to be sorry for when theres so much more to be thankful of?<br />
<br />Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-55011856770033393352012-08-12T22:11:00.000-04:002015-11-11T10:40:22.958-05:00Source of strengthWhen things being too hard to handle, at one point that you feel you can't take it anymore.<br />
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And you still grief. Keep counting on how long to endure the unberable. Everything else doesn't make sense. When one minute before youre still laughing and giggling and another minute when you realize you feel like each and everything is against you. Changed, three hundred and sixty degree</div>
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But then you still live in the confusion. Day by day you thought of what if and what so, too much ifs in your mind. Hoping for things to change miraclely. Hoping for magic to happened beyond your eyes. Hoping for the situation to be differently acceptable. </div>
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Allah says: </div>
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"Be sure we shall test you with something of fear, and hunger, some loss in goods, or lives, or the fruits (of your toil); but give glad tiding to those who patiently presevere"</div>
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"Or do you expect to enter Paradise without facing such trials as did those before you?" </div>
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And you go blank. You know you've done you're very best to make things better but you still feel that its not enough. </div>
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"And none shall be granted such goodness, except those who are steadfast" </div>
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Keep your faith and belief firm as HE knows it all. Every. Single. Tiny. Little. Things. </div>
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'Cry if thats what makes you feel better'</div>
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#Get well soon iron lady! I love you, now and forever</div>
Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-75988166426399609532012-08-05T12:56:00.002-04:002015-11-11T10:40:48.400-05:00If only ignoring is much more easier and politeI hate that feeling of having-to-ignore-someone-just-because-I-can't-explained-things-briefly. I am not hating the person. I am not hating whatever he trying to say about my arguments. Everyone has their own freaking point of view, I know that. Freedom of speech, if that sounds better (somehow 'freedom of speech' make me thinks of debate since we always use it as one of the keywords lol typical keywords back then)<br />
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But what I can't comprehend is that the explanation of my arguments about some so called topic is not even there. I mean, the person can't even get what am I trying to say. He can't even take that and say 'oh okay if that's fine with you I wish you best of luck' some sort of replied. He can't even stay still and just listen. I can't even make him listen. Which might come down to my point of arguments are not even valid. I'M JUST TOO PARANOID WHEN IT COMES TO THIS PART HAVING TO EXPLAIN AND SUCH BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE CAN'T JUST FREAKING GET IT THAT I HAVE TO REALLY MAKE MYSELF LOOKS LIKE AN IDIOT BECAUSE OF SUPER CHEAP SHORT REPLY SIGH.</div>
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Watching Lee Chong Wei's game just now make me realize that maybe I don't even need to make him get and understood of what am I trying to say. Just like the game when we don't know who's going to win. Where both of 'em still give their best shot wholeheartedly. Where a race is still a race but dignity and spirit won by it. </div>
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I shall just make my point clear. </div>
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And freaking shut.</div>
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#I had an amazing weekend! It has been a pleasure to really get together all over again and just talk all night long without anything to be bothered. Thankyou for your time. Thankyou for listening to me and not make me feels like out of space for once. Thankyou Allah. I love you guys big time. </div>
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#Ramadhan is halfway through already and I'm still floating and hanging. I still thinks I am and in the need of spirit just like the old days. I'm not even there sigh.</div>
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#From now on, I might think twice before being visible online on facebook's chat. Unless I really have to</div>
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#I need to take an exam which I don't even know where to start</div>
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#I need to go to US Embassy again and completed all the form's given (thank god I've took the passport's size picture already the other day)</div>
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#I might want to sell my old camera bag since I've bought the new one but it needs to be 'fixed' first. Koyak atas bawah siapa nak beli cenggitu baik sedekah ke apa tapi still cantik boleh guna dengan bergaya</div>
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#My sleeping pattern kind of messed up</div>
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#I shall now sleep</div>
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Have a blessed Ramadhan in this blessing month!</div>
Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-86227586536079765152012-07-10T16:15:00.002-04:002015-11-11T10:33:48.704-05:00Pleasant nightSo, at the time I'm typing this I was just got back from my TM's meeting for tonight's session. I've been assigned to be the table topic's master where I need to make do whatever things or props or stuff if thats might help for people to come up infront and just speak based on the topic and things that you've been given. I was really unprepared and heart pounding like hell at first though I've saved some rough idea in my head. So I asked mum if the idea is eligible and she said ok. Then I gathered things up in the evening (note that I gathered things up just after I got home petang tu setelah mengambil adik adik pulang dari sekolah dan sempat lelap buat satu setengah jam) , and put it all together in one huge bag (I really mean it when I said its huge because I even brought along iron; as in for ironing clothes, ben-ten's umbrella; which I <strike>stole </strike> borrowed it from my youngest brother, and more luar alam's stuff lol<span style="background-color: white;">) </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">The meeting went well although I'm quite trembling at first, you can see me trembling if you're there. Seriously siapa tak if you got to have and attract people's attention right from the beginning and explaining stuff and calling out people to go infront and just talk and I was like please anyone just put up your hands already for god sakeee. But then the senior's members start first so it went pretty well. Oh and did I mention that we have our new juniors joining in today? Not exactly juniors since they are actually eighteen but then they are all really like too young to be eighteen, or am I the one thats too old?! *paranoid* Anyway, one of them are a huuuge fan of 1D's, she even showed me her wristband and its alot! I mean, me being a fan of a group of boy bands or something three years ago lol why am I growing up too fast.</span></div>
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After the whole twenty minutes table topic session, I felt really good and relieved. As if what I always felt when I've done my speech's debate at school everytime I went for the training. As if what I always felt when I got my ball's strike into the goal everytime I am playing netball with all my kesayangans. As if what I always felt when I got nothing to worry about because I've finished memorizing the next surah for the upcoming classes everytime I need to get ready for my tahfiz. Nothing to worry. </div>
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And it gives me more of the good feeling when KG came to me personally and acknowledged me for what I have done just now. He said he's waiting for more surprises for the upcoming meeting but honestly, did he even know that I just gathered my stuff this evening? He better don't. He's really an inspring man, mum once told me that he wanted to get married but he didn't have a girlfriend. He is thirty-something but if you see him personally you, yourself wouldn't believe that because of he's good looking appearance. Poor KG, why don't anyone want him he's too niceeee. My bad voice keeps whispering me to meet him with Fern, I'm sure they gonna be the sweetest pair ever lol ok I'm dead if Fern read this.
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I was having quite a bad morning before because of the Maybank's customer service that act like shtz. I just need to stop grieving about that, I've learned my lesson. You just don't take too personally of what and how people's say and act with you, just don't let them win by your emotion. Sometimes theres time when you need to say 'hey, just please listen up to me for a second as I need your freakin' attention' . Freakin' hard. Emotion just freakin' hard to comprehend sometime.</div>
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But the meeting turns my day upside down. I met alot of new amazing people and I can't wait to meet more. More to come! Ok its four am in the morning already, I need to send an email to Amanda for today's photos. Bytheway, Tang will be in Canada in two weeks time so she'll not be able to come for the next meeting. She's like my very first best buddy there, ms. president! I wish I can tag along. </div>
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Oh, welcome to my world.</div>
Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-68286267874099910212012-07-06T08:27:00.000-04:002015-11-11T10:41:06.980-05:00Security kills<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">I learned that sometimes as you go through life and see different things upon your eyes, you will found something more strange and bizarre than it has been. To know that grow up people seems to be no different than you, to know that someone you've known for so long might act like someone you've never imagined before, to know that you need to have a concrete and solid reasons for what you stand for or else people won't just give a single damn about it. Its strange. As well as a blessed.</span></div>
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I learned that different path I took might seems too complicated for some human being. I learned that I live in a world where good grades determines your level of intelligence, your respect and story from society towards you. In a world where you must get this, this and this kind of grade in a certain subject to achieve your dream job unless you will just die pathetically. In a world that where we need to fight among alter ego and friends for your university applications or else you won't just have at least one spot for yourself and cried historically. In a world where being one of the scholars was like the most fortunate things that could have ever happened for we will have safe place to strive hard and get highest pointers to not be having to pay the loan thus, safe spot for your job and career in the future. And waking up everyday doing the same routine every hour, getting paid getting raised, got smashed from colleague here and there and the drama went well.</div>
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That seems 'secure'. </div>
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But hey, I am living in a 'insecure' world. If that sounds better. </div>
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*scream*Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-15082117020812470712012-06-10T11:40:00.001-04:002015-11-11T10:42:44.550-05:00Emotionally triggered, choose well or hell<br />
"Things happened, past is past" Said that little voice.<br />
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I went to accompany my mum last tuesday being pleasured driving as usual since mum was not quite well these past few weeks because of her 'peranakan turun' or something like that (bibik is taking charge in helping out to urut the 'thing' going up again but seriously you won't dare to see how it goes I tell ya, one thing I can said is that; loves your mum unconditionally *hugs mum now*) so, I drove the car around bandar utama that day, mum's having this interview session with BFM radio; It is stands for Business something something, wait until you notice there's Durian.fm in Malaysia whathewhatwhathe why in the world they named it on that -_-<br />
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Anyway, the route was a bit confusing since they got lots of traffic lights and the signage was not helping either (this is another issue yang kita patut ketengahkan serta kedepankan mahupun kekiri dan kekanan di Malaysia agar tidak bingung dan berdesing kepala tahap ketiga bagi mencari jalan yang berpetakan nombor jalan dan huruf semata) But we finally made it after asking this one uncle who told us to go straight and take a look on the left side of the road after the forth traffic lights, with fulled of confidence and energize in self I drove straight away happily counting the number of traffic lights but it ended up the traffic lights were actually there, four of it. NOT the forth one in each blocks. Thanks a lot uncle!<br />
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I slowed down the car and turned signals light on since mum was calling her partner to recomfirm the place. Planning on to relax a little bit when out of the blue something crashed my car from behind. (Berdesing lagi kepala buat kali kedua sempatlah amnesia seminit tiga) I'm just being freeze for a moment since it doesn't really hits me what's happening at that time until mum asked me to stop the car at the side of the road. Then this one chinese guy with his perdana came out and attacked the taxi driver; since the taxi driver is blocking the way and he was not only nicely crashed crv, but also scratching the taxi.<br />
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And the dramas goes on.<br />
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People will easily have this 'triggered-emotion' everytime we faced something unexpectedly like car's accident for an example. No matter which side we are, either the one that got hit or maybe the one that speeding and suddenly hits random car itself, we need to realize and be in the present. In the NOW. Because the thing is, thing's happened. It has happened. Unless you have some kind of time machine to rewind the time ( Oh please make one).<br />
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Speaking of emotion it can be any typed of it, we might feels mad, sad, afraid, frightened, or whatever that comes at that point of time. How we choose to tolerate with the situation, how we planned to take it as it is, how we actually see things as 'now' is another different story. That chinese guy I mentioned before was really mad I can tell, from the way he got out from his car, roughly took his seat-belt off, smashed his door after he opened it. But then the situation went all change three hundred sixty degree when mum is acting really cool, checking each of the scratched and damage at the back of the car, even asked him if he is okay. He 'get' that and I mean it because after that he can actually tolerate well. Well enough to cooperate. (Mummy ftw!)<br />
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And I really can relate this incidents with what happened quite some time ago at my aunt's car. Where it is also involved another taxi (taxi just loves accident lol) and two younger boy. They're really young, they were just sixteen or something. The whole cases went all complicated when the one who drove the car was actually a close friend of the one who's a son of the owner of the car who gave the permission to the one who drove it without the owner of the taxi's permission itself. (I know it really is complicated, I got to really hadam the situation for quite some time before understands it well) So they were actually like illegally drove the car around. But that's not the point.<br />
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The most blue-printed part is that when suddenly their parents arrived and I swear I saw with my own pair of eyes that the boy got slapped with his dad. Worst case, infront of everyone. (When I said, everyone I really meant corps and the whole neighbourhood) Things get even worst when the 'mummies' especially lagi menambahkan bara api dengan memberi kata kata semangat buat si suami agar melempang si anak dengan lebih kuat. Tidak dilupakan kata kata pemberi tenaga dari beberapa jiran tetangga.<br />
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The drama goes on when the father not just slapped his son, but also shouted at him and asked him what's more that they haven't provided? We sent you schools, we gave you money, we even gave you freedom of doing your own things. He also mentioned that how he had actually thought of what to give and buy for the boy's future (kind of) Mum and aunt tried to cool down the situation but what's more that you can do when you deal with it other than said things like "Takpe encik, benda dah jadi"<br />
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Things are just getting better at the end of the day.<br />
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"Kita tak kenal orang ni siapa. Sebab selalunya diorang ingat saya tak pandai jaga anak. Sebelum dicaci maki, ada baiknya saya caci maki anak sendiri agar orang keliling dan yang berkenaan puas hati"<br />
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Can you see their 'reality box'?<br />
<br />Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-15632333089361417302012-06-03T04:15:00.000-04:002015-11-11T10:33:43.105-05:00Mindblown #1Semalam adalah hari 'biarkan-aku-sorang-sorang-dalam-bilik-mohon-jangan-ganggu' punya mood. Apa pasal tah diri ini bertindak sedemikian rupa eventhough pagi tu puas dipulas dan digertak oleh ibunda supaya bersama-sama mengikuti program yang dianjurkan itu hari. Bermati-matian aku self defense dengan mimik muka habis comel merayu taknak pergi. Lepas, lega. Yang aku ingat pagi tu ibunda keluar bilik sekali dengan alatan perang aku, nak tahan gara gara nyawa benda alah tu aku tak charge pun semalam. Tak menyempat.<br />
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Maka pada sebelah malam setelah semua orang (nampak tak betapa kosongnya rumah) selamat tiba di rumah, lagi sekali aku self defense apabila dipaksa keluar untuk beli barangan dapur. Betapa beratnya mengangkat ponggong ini bersama hanya untuk menolak troli dan mencari bahan bagi memenuhkan peti sejuk dan segala peti. Aku gigihkan juga hati kepala limpa dan segala anggota menyiapkan diri itupun setelah disuruh habis tegas oleh si adik lelaki blergh.<br />
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Sarung jubah, pin tudung. Siap, semangat naik sikit tahap tiga untuk pergi.<br />
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*Giant*<br />
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*Ambil troli gaya mak-mak ke pasar raya membeli barangan dengan gigih*<br />
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*Masukkan coin (I don't even know giant had changed it into coinsss I thought they only have it at carefour?)*<br />
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"Mana list?" Tanya si adik lelaki walau tingginya tidak melambangkan adik sama sekali.<br />
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"Sabarlah, orang go through" Jawab aku angkuh.<br />
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*Go through list*<br />
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First on top; "Freeze" Lama aku diam memikirkan menggunakan akal waras lagi matang. What is this, freeze? Beku? Sejuk beku? Oh! Fries. That's just the way how my bibik spelled it. I thought I was confius dan otak barangkali beku gara gara satu hari duduk rumah tak lihat cahaya. *senyum sinis*<br />
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Never mind, skipped that. Mula dari bawah.<br />
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*Go all the way down*<br />
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"Tempike"<br />
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Right, I thought it was tempe.Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-29057848813205025692012-05-31T11:10:00.000-04:002015-11-11T10:43:05.340-05:00Lesung batu inai daun<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I can't find the right reason to feel what am I feeling right now. I know and fully aware that there will comes time that we have to do and go through all the things that we wished we never had to, or we actually wished we had but in different storyline and board.</div>
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Last two days was really epic I must say, I thank Allah for a great journey and time spent. Those little struggling we had to really make it all succeed, it seems small and had no reward but the value that comes with it, and the memories that will never extinct. Its priceless. </div>
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It has been like ages since my last time wearing 'inai'. Dahulu kala suatu ketika setiap kali pulang ke kampung halaman adalah wajib memakai inai mekah dari nenek sebelah ibu, dan gigih juga memetik daun inai dari pokok tengah hari buta dari tok sebelah abah agar dapat ditumbuk pada waktu malamnya. Pakai inai haruslah pada tengah malam agar emosi pada waktu pagi adalah eksaited ganda tiga bangun bangun melihatkan setiap sepuluh jari merah menyala wah! berperasaan pengantin baru tak cukup sifat sepanjang hari. Tetapi oleh kerana diri ini sungguh tertib tidurnya walau anak dara, maka jari kadang kadang merah bertompokkan putih gara gara tidur kaki berlawan arus tangan bersilang. Fail! </div>
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Dan malam tu bila semua satu kepala kumpul bersama sesi menginai bakal pengantin kononnya, adalah timbul pelbagai versi dan misi mahupun strategi bagi menghasilkan inai yang tegar lekat lagi merah darah. So we made teh 'o pekat and poured it little by little and seriously the hasil is outstanding, can go everywhere and showing of your 'hai-saya-berinai-malam-tadi-feeling-pengantin-mohon-perasan' 's faces.</div>
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On the exact day datang dengan muka teruja tahap kepala atas sikit dari urat telinga, eh rupa-rupanya majlis dah pun bermula gila tak gelabah campak beg keluarkan alatan perang dengan rakus dan terus permainan bermula (game on) tanpa kata.</div>
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Dan apabila ramai antara mereka satu kepala bakal berangkat ke medan perang masing-masing, maka permainan diteruskan sehingga ke malam hari. Konvoi tiga kereta gerak ke destinasi jalankan misi, kisah apa melekit berpeluh air tuba tak kesat asal puas hati.</div>
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And we made this really nice album which hold lots of black and white pictures inside, pretty sweet sour and salty wishes, quite a few of quotes and... photos and more photos. I've been busy going here and there buying all the stuff since everyone else were busier in getting themselves ready for matriks and U's stuff. Took this picture from my chemistry's buddy since I didn't get to take the official one, ah lupa! :S Anyhow, it turns out pretty, worth cash and worth time spent. </div>
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Seriously, this is just 'few' part of us. How I wished 'everyone' were there, if and only if I have the magic in me to gather everyone up no matter what the circumstances we're going through at that point of time. And to the extend of what each and everyone of you guys had distributed, give and gave, it is a blessing.</div>
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"Ah, you're not losing anyone. Just keep remember on saving the present, thus can make space for a new one in future"</div>
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Seeing one by one gets off, I should be happy. Should be.</div>
Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125063367484237617.post-67619281322872045672012-05-18T09:29:00.000-04:002015-11-11T10:43:21.980-05:00"How do you pray?"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I went to meet Sharyn yesterday lol no, it's not actually a date in meeting her but I went for this coaching session which they provided for people who graduated from M&Y, the one that I participated in few weeks back. First thing that I did when I reached there was searching for the toilet and place to pray since I haven't did my maghrib prayer yet. I accidently met Sharyn in the toilet since she was there earlier than me. Excited, but not getting to really talking much, I told her quickly that I need to pray first before we get to chit chat (I was really gelabah all over, and thankgod they have this one small store beside that I can used for awhile)<br />
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Done with all the obligation, I went back as usual in the room with this relieved and more calm feelings. Saw Sharyn with her sister sitting there at the round table since everyone else have not yet arrived. I smiled, they smiled back. Once I get to sit down on the chair (which is quite big, the one that they used to use in the office, that I almost drown in it) , this one question came out; How do you pray?<br />
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Jeda.<br />
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It's not about the question that really tough and hard to be answered, It's not about the situation that suddenly went all awkward that I don't really know which one to start first. It's that maybe all this while we tend to be so comfort in our own world (I must say) or zone (to be exact). We did our prayer everyday which it has been some part of our daily routine, on that certain time, anywhere we are no matter what the circumstances is, until onetime when we had to deal with that moment of one simple question, our brain just go all over in arranging the best word to spill, the best way to explain things where honestly, it is not the best. Worst.<br />
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After quite a while of silence, I managed to get my brain's cooperation. I told myself that I come with the intentions of sharing with the other people, it's not necessary must to be heavy, there's no right or wrong of what I'm about to say. So I just, shared. I told them that we (muslims) took of what we called ablutions before doing the prayer to ensure that we're all clean from all sort of impurity (which is funny because what's going on in Sharyn's mind is that she thought that I was going to pray in the toilet earlier since I went there in a rush and told her right away that I need to pray lol silly me) I told them that we only need to rinse certain parts of our body three times because the sunnah said so since we're following it. I shared about how we need to used the mat (they called it as mat or rugs, I shared about the word 'sejadah') to cover up the floor or anything related just to ensure that the area used for prayer is clean.<br />
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Since Sharyn's sister asked me about how we determine on knowing where we have to face for prayers, I told them about the Kaa'bah which is our centre point anywhere we go, about the sun's system on determine the time of the prayer in certain kind of circumstances, about how we believes in the one and only, The Almighty.<br />
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And the rest is history.<br />
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Basically, I am not go hard on sharing things. I realized that I just shared about the things that I knew, that I do it everyday everytime, that have been told and taught from the Prophet, parents & teachers. It feels good to share and exchanging opinions, to know that they believes in many 'god' , to know that they can actually choose whenever they felt and wanted to pray, to know that they didn't have certain time or place to pray, It is OK. It's OK.<br />
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Because in the end, HE's the one who is The Most Gracious and Most Merciful.<br />
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<i>"</i>Lakum dinukum waliyadin"<i> </i><br />
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"Untukmu agamamu, dan untukku agamaku"<br />
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<b>Nota bawah laut cecah dasar; </b><br />
<i>Cupcakes semua home-made satu hari hempas pulun dengan kesayangan. Heaven!</i>Azillah Azharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00333300603567191276noreply@blogger.com